I’m floating a few degrees off course with this review, opting to discuss a device that lets me read books, rather than an actual book, but don’t blame me. Blame the last three books I tried to read. Each one was so unbelievably bad that I couldn’t finish them.
I hate when I give up like that, it feels like I’ve joined a foot race with nine other out of shape smokers and, upon noticing I’m running dead last, I say to hell with it and trot to the nearest KFC. Sometimes it can’t be helped, though. You read a few paragraphs like these and feel the need to shake something (I’ve changed the words for the dubious purpose of protecting the guilty, but kept the spirit):
Sandra gingerly pushed the small button on her shiny keychain, hearing the gentle “thud” of her car’s door locks. She grasped the handle, pulled open the driver’s side door and slipped quickly behind the wheel. A few moments later, she was guiding her car down the sloping driveway, her eyes flitting alternately between the side view mirrors. She slowly backed into the street, braked suddenly and drove north, toward the center of town.
She took a left onto Church Street and glided past Eastlawn Drive. Sandra briefly stopped at the four-way intersection and looked both ways before turning onto Elm. She suddenly pondered stopping at the gas station for a cup of coffee and quickly decided against it. Too much caffeine made her extremely jumpy. She coasted by the gas station without giving it a second glance and turned right onto Terrace Lane.
Seriously? Are you really going to narrate every little detail of the fifteen minute drive from this woman’s house to her job at the post office? Unless the geography of this particular suburb, the character’s driving habits or her intolerance for caffeine play an important role in the story, just what in the blazes is this scene doing in the book? It’s called “rambling” and unless you’re attractive and buying me drinks, I have no interest in seeing you do it. And what’s with all the adverbs? Were they having a sale?
Of course, it’s difficult for me to write a review for a book I couldn’t finish. Sure, it might be informative for you to learn about those books I thought were so horrid as to warrant abandonment, but such a review couldn’t possibly offer more insight than “I didn’t like it.”
I’m sorry, but even when I write a bad review, I really do try my best to explain why I didn’t like it. When people criticize my own writing, I’m not looking for blanket statements like “it’s crap,” I’m looking for specifics. So despite getting socked in my literary testicles by three godawful books in sequence, I’ll refrain from playing the name game and share my experiences with the Kindle Touch.
I have to confess, when I first caught a glimpse of the e-reader craze looming on the horizon back in 2009, I was filled with dread. I like my books, love them as a matter of fact. In every place I’ve ever called home, I’ve had more bookcases than chairs and collected everything from the complete works of H.P. Lovecraft to more Stephen King novels than I would feel comfortable admitting in mixed company.
“Do away with real books?” I shouted. “I’d sooner shave with a waffle iron!”
Alas, as I said goodbye to 2011, I realized e-books were here to stay. I also realized that since so many independent books only ever see publication as electronic files, I would never be able to sample all the self-published works that were busy changing the literary market. It was very difficult decision, but in the end I decided to let go of my fear and embrace the new technology. I still haven’t told my book dealer friends, though, because they all know where I live.
After doing several hours of research online, I took a ride over to my local Walmart and compared the Kindle, Kindle Touch and Nook Simple Touch side by side. I settled on the Kindle Touch (with special offers) for several reasons. First, a Kindle Touch with the ads cost less than the Nook and the ads are so unobtrusive as to make me wonder what the hell Amazon was thinking. Second, between Barnes & Noble and Amazon, the latter seems to treat their independent authors better. From what I’ve seen, indie books are more noticeable in the Kindle Store than on the Nook’s equivalent and there are more of them. And finally, after twenty minutes searching through both devices’ stores, I found more free classics and out of print books on the Kindle.
Less than an hour after bringing the Kindle Touch home, I had downloaded thirty classics, several indie books and bought a Dean Koontz book I couldn’t find at my favorite used book store. I also realized that having one-touch access to millions of books isn’t the healthiest situation I could find myself in. I feel very much like a mouse in some cruel psychological experiment where I’m given two buttons, and once you push one, the system locks out both for six hours. If I press one button, I get to eat. If I push the other, I get heroin.
Now that I’ve established that the Kindle Store isn’t so much a marketplace as it is the drug pusher standing on the street corner you have to walk past every morning, let’s talk about the actual reading experience.
It took me about an hour and a half to get used to the screen size on the Kindle Touch, but after that it was no more difficult to read than a paper book. In fact, it’s easier in many cases because the first thing I did was jack up the font size to a reasonable level and no I’m not getting old so shut up! My eyes are just very delicate, thank you very much. Seriously, I’ve often come back from the bookstore with a stack of reading material only to find one or two books with print so cramped and light that reading the text took measurable effort. Never again.
That said, when you hear that the Kindle Touch screen gives you “no glare,” you might be wise to take that with a grain of salt. Depending on how I’m sitting, and where the lamps are in reference to the screen, I do get the odd bit of glare that makes me adjust how I’m holding the thing. It’s minor, but it exists.
And lastly, let’s address that battery life thing. Depending on which advertisement you’re reading, a single charge is supposed to last the Kindle Touch for a month. The fine print will tell you that it will last a month if you read for an average of one hour a day and keep the wi-fi turned off. If you’re like me, a person who reads at least three or four hours a day, then wi-fi or not you’ll be charging this thing at least once a week.
Overall, the Kindle Touch has turned out to be the perfect complement to my reading habit. I still hit my used bookstore every other week because the mainstream titles there are several dollars cheaper than the same title would cost as an e-book, but for the classics, indie books and whatever mainstream titles my friend doesn’t have, the Kindle Touch is wonderful.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a button to press.
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