Looks like I’m dealing with another bad run. No energy, highly irritable, not sleeping well, etc., etc. I’ve been here before, will be here again and the bad days always give way to good eventually. I’m still writing, still enjoying it, but I’m only able to summon up about an hour’s worth of productivity before I just want to sit, stare at nothing and be left the hell alone.
The worst part isn’t even the lack of energy, it’s the fact that everything seems to take so much more of it. Talking with people takes an enormous effort, as does just listening. Even making coffee this morning was an epic battle.
My doctors have never come right out and told me my condition has a depression component, and I respect the people with that illness too much to try to self-apply the term, but times like this make me wonder. This black hole I fall into every so often sure as hell doesn’t feel like a normal sort of being “down in the dumps.” Christ, it feels downright terrifying some days.
The good news is that something–some instinct or gut feeling, I don’t know–is telling me this spell will be brief. Part of me already wonders if the worst of it might not be behind me. It might just be wishful thinking, but man I’m grabbing onto it with both hands, hoping it will tow me up.
Anyway, that’s why I haven’t posted a real update in the last few days.
Here’s to the hope tomorrow will be better.